Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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