that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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