Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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