I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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