Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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