I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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