so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
tell me about the eggs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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