i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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