I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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