Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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