i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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