My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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