also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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