I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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