but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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