Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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