You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize