Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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