Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize