I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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