sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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