She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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