Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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