She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i love accidental penises.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize