apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize