i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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