Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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