I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
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Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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