how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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