He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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