Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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