that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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