You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize