Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize