I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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