Four minutes until I can fart!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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