Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just had sex bonerless
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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