i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Terrible idea I love it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize