Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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