the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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