I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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