Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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