how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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