yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love having hate sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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