Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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