Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize