I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize