Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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