Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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