i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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