I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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