dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize